This past week was a really interesting week for me to say the least. It began with what I would call a “negativity bias loop” vomiting itself out unwantingly of some very ugly things that my beautiful brain had compartmentalized and shoved deeply down into my being hoping to never see the light of day again because the individual behind them would never willingly own up to their accountability or apologize. But as all uggs of life that are not engaged and resolved or neutralized...they were destined to resurface once again...and would continue at random intervals until they were. And when those “negative bias loops” are triggered...it’s as if they‘ve just freshly occurred - with all of the same emotive responses and bio-chemicals being released once again. I was literally so tired of this pattern - there are just so many inferences, behaviors, and betrayals tied up into to it that if I couldn’t find a way to neutralize it - I knew that I would never have true peace or happiness just anger, hurt, resentment, and frustration. That is not who I am - nor who I want to be. That for me is a conscious choice.
Then by chance a post from Psychology Today landed in front of me with a word just sitting there staring at me “disengagement.” Intrigued, I began to read it and suddenly found myself sitting in the author’s chair as if I were the one writing it. The person’s experiences mirrored my own. Then they shared a quote from Brené Brown’s book “Dare to Lead” that just nailed it for me about the worst aspect of a relationship being when one person has “disengaged“ and there is no longer a relationship. They literally have checked out of the relationship and failed to let the other know. But the aspect of disengagement is that it is so subtle that the receiving party is left unaware but over time it begins to surface in very unkind ways. Mine hit a pinnacle on March 4th this year, but after processing so many things, I realized that they had disengaged over 10 years ago.
I now had my neutralizer and with that my own solid freedom from the loop. My peace and happiness are being restored and the person I remember once being is awakening again. And with my newly found freedom I have given myself an oath to never find myself holding up one end of a relationship when the other party is not equally holding up the other end. That is self-value and self-compassion. If there isn’t balance - there is no relationship.